How to be 100% Heterosexual by Kurt Hummel

Okay, this one, like Santana and Dave’s, is obviously going to have a different feel since it’s 100% fact that they are gay. These will be Kurt’s attempts to stay in the closet. This is not meant to be offensive, so I really hope you don’t take it that way. Because I’m sure Kurt will look back in a few years’ time, or even now, and think, “Why did I think people would believe I was straight?”

1. Where a sequined vest (for football, obviously)

2. Blow kisses at the crowd when you win the football game.

3. Ask the girl you’re kissing what boys’ lips taste like

4. Do a princess/beauty queen wave when you make the football team

5. Make a big deal to all of your friends that you’re holding a girls’ hand.

6. …and tell her about your moisturizing habits.

7. Even though you’re single, question if you want to make out with one of the hottest girls at school who just offered it.