1. Spend time creeping in the locker rooms.
2. Invite a whole group of kids to your house
3. Perform a sexy number with a group of kids
4. Hug all the kids you can
5. Volunteer to play Rocky in The Rocky Horror Show against kids playing Janet and Dr. Frank N Furter.
6. …or just put on a production of that show with kids.
7. After you drunk dialed someone and tried to flirt, give the kids your phone number so they can call you when they’re drunk.
8. Watch your kids’ sexual performances—like crotch gestures and booty shaking—with amazement
9. Get to second base while breaking up a fight
10. Watch three cheerleaders perform a flirty song/dance for you privately